Welcome to My Life
by LightDarkandChaos
Summary: Song-fic. Shadow's had enough of being left out of the spotlight, and he's become more than a little unstable. Rated for 'attempted' suicide. I do not own 'Welcome to My Life' by Simple Plan, I just thought it would make an okay fic.


_**Do you ever feel like breaking down?**_

Shadow ran through the forest, his vision clouded with tears that he refused to shed. This had happened once before, but it hurt as much as the first time.

_**Do you ever feel out of place?**_

He knew the streak of black and red he left behind him would stand out to his pursuer, but he didn't care. He had to get away from them.

_**Like somehow you just don't belong**_

He'd never fit in with them, anyways. He was the odd one, the only one who could see the darkness in the world as well as the light.

_**And no one understands you**_

They could never understand the way he saw the world. They saw the world in black in white. He saw the world the way it was, in shades of grey.

_**Do you ever wanna run away?**_

Shadow ran even faster, letting the air slicing around him whip his tears away. He just couldn't take it anymore.

_**Do you lock yourself in your room?**_

Usually when this happened, he'd shut himself away in his room and lock the door._**  
With the radio on turned up so loud, that no one hears you screaming  
**_He'd turn the radio up to max and make sure no one could hear him before breaking down and screaming his anguish to the world._**  
No you don't know what it's like**_

"Shadow!" The cry from behind him threw him even deeper into the dark emotions. He stifled his sobs and picked up the pace, trying to leave it all behind. He continued to cry silently, and the tears continued to fly away in the wind around him._**  
When nothing feels alright**_

His legs ached with fatigue, but he kept running. If he ran far enough, maybe they'd give up. If he ran fast enough, maybe he'd leave them behind._**  
You don't know what it's like to be like me  
**_He slowed involuntarily as his muscles started to cramp. Without the wind in his face, his tears blinded him. He stumbled and fell, making no attempts to rise again._**  
To be hurt**_

It hurt so much when they looked at him that way, like they weren't sure if they could trust him or not. It hurt so much more than all the torture G.U.N. had put him through._**  
To feel lost**_

He was lost in their world, and they knew it. He was so out of place there, and he knew he'd never fit in._**  
To be left out in the dark**_

They didn't tell him some things that everyone else knew. Sometimes, they'd stop talking when he walked into a room, and just stare at him until he left. They were afraid of him, and what he might do if he knew those things. _**  
To be kicked, when you're down**_

He curled into a ball of black and red fur and cried, remembering the only time he'd tried to tell them. It had been just after they'd stopped the Black Arms. Sonic had said, "You're strong, Shadow. Way stronger than me. I wouldn't have stood a chance against those aliens. You're probably the strongest of us all." He'd looked at the blue hedgehog and frowned. "Actually, I'm the weakest of you." Sonic had looked at him with a confused expression and said, "What are you talking about, Shads? You totally wasted those aliens while we were struggling against that sleep gas!" That was when he'd known that they would never understand._**  
To feel like you've been pushed around**_

The bruises and scratches from his fall were nothing compared to the bloody wounds on his heart._**  
To be on the edge of breaking down**_

He wanted so badly to fit in with them and not stand just outside their circle of friends. Was he really that different from them? Hadn't they had their share of darkness as well? So why did they look at him with barely concealed suspicion?_**  
When no one's there to save you**_

None of them cared for him. He could see that now. He really should've taken Black Doom up on his offer. If he had, he wouldn't be lying on the forest floor crying his heart out right now._**  
No you don't know what it's like  
**_None of them knew what he was going through. They didn't care about him enough to see past the icy mask he showed the world to the torrent of emotion just below the surface. They'd never seen the pain in his crimson eyes every time he saw them gather together after another adventure, swapping stories and exaggerating their accomplishments._**  
Welcome to my life  
**_He felt his lips curl into a sarcastic smile through the storm of tears. That was what his life had been like until today, when he just couldn't take it anymore._**  
Do you wanna be somebody else?**_

How many times had he wished to be someone else, someone 'normal', someone who could really talk to them?_**  
Are you sick of feeling so left out?**_

He was so sick of being left out of their discussions. He knew they had semi-normal lives, but his whole existence revolved around the battles that so inconvenienced them. With Maria, he'd had a friend, at least. With them, he was completely and utterly alone._**  
Are you desperate to find something more before your life is over  
**_Shadow had wanted so desperately to find something more, something that might let him get to know them, something that might let him make friends with them before he went over the edge. Well, he was pretty far over it now._**  
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?**_

He smiled again, feeling another emotion that he hadn't felt in a long time. Hate. Yes, he hated the world for not even trying to understand him. _**  
Are you sick of everyone around?**_

When they saw him, they'd stare at him, like he could lose control at any moment. They saw a weapon of mass destruction, not a frightened, lonely teenager. Well, he'd lost control now._**  
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies**_

Every time he walked in on them when they were discussing something in low voices, they would stop and look at him with those huge, obviously fake smiles and lie about what they'd been talking about._**  
But deep inside you're bleeding  
**_He'd lied, too. He'd pretended to except their explanations when he'd known that they were lies. He'd acted like he always did, but deep inside he was bleeding from a wound that opened a little more every time he it happened._**  
No you don't know what it's like when nothing feels alright**_

He lifted his head slightly, looking up at the sky listlessly. It looked the same no matter where he was when he saw it. He let his face fall again, his cheek pushing against the hard earth. They didn't understand him. They always knew they had a place in life, but there was nothing for him. No place in this life._**  
You don't know what it's like to be like me  
**_They didn't understand him. None of them had any idea what he was going through._**  
To be hurt**_

Shadow pushed himself up on one arm, ignoring the pain as he jarred new bruises. He was already hurt a lot more._**  
To feel lost**_

He rose unsteadily to his feet, looking dully for the path he'd been following when he'd started running through the forest. It was nowhere to be seen. Good._**  
To be left out in the dark**_

It was evening now. They must have given up looking for him and left him alone in the dark again._**  
To be kicked when you're down**_

That was the last blow. If he'd had any doubts about what he was going to do, they were gone now._**  
To feel like you've been pushed around**_

He started walking slowly, feeling completely broken for the second time in his life.

_**To be on the edge of breaking down**_

But this time, there was no promise to sustain him._**  
When no one's there to save you**_

There was no one to bring back memories that he'd suppressed for a long time here, no one there to save him. He didn't want to be saved._**  
No you don't know what it's like  
**_They didn't understand him. They had never understood him._**  
Welcome to my life**_

His eyes burned, but there were no tears left to shed. Was that what his life had been, a lie?_**  
No one ever lies straight to your face**_

He sped up until he was running as fast as his tired legs would take him. He knew this path by heart. They wouldn't understand what he was about to do. They'd never lived a lie, and no one ever lied straight to their faces._**  
And no one ever stabbed you in the back**_

And no one ever did something when they'd said not to. No one ever said mean things about them when they thought they weren't listening. _**  
You might think I'm happy**_

Shadow reached the spot he'd been heading for, a small mound at the foot of an evergreen tree. He knelt before it and began to dig with trembling hands. Soon, he found what he was looking for. A small wooden box with a simple metal clasp. He smiled, knowing they had bought the lie he'd showed them as surely as he had seen through theirs. They had thought he was happy the way things were, staying just outside of their little circle.

_**But I'm not gonna be ok**_

They'd been wrong, but they hadn't known until today. He opened the box, lifting out the knife he'd placed there so long ago. He paused, looking at his reflection in the blade. His eyes were dark and lifeless, reflecting how he felt._**  
Everybody always gave you what you wanted**_

Everyone had always given them the admiration and acceptance that they craved._**  
You never had to work it was always there**_

They'd never had to stand just outside the spotlight, wishing so hard that they could have their turn to shine._**  
You don't know what it's like**_

They'd never had to wonder what it would be like to be viewed as the hero for once. They'd always been the heroes. They didn't know what it was like._**  
What it's like  
**_They would never know what it was like. _**  
To be hurt**_

He ran one finger along the edge of the knife and cut himself. The pain that washed over him was nothing compared to the anguish that they'd caused._**  
To feel lost**_

No one would find him here. Well, they would eventually, but it would be too late to save him. They'd think about reasons for why he'd done it, but they wouldn't get them right._**  
To be left out in the dark**_

After all, he'd kept as many secrets as they had. _**  
To be kicked when you're down**_

They didn't know about his 'condition'. That's what the psychiatrist on the ARK had called it, at least. _**  
To feel like you've been pushed around**_

They didn't know about his need for acceptance. _**  
To be on the edge of breaking down**_

They didn't know that if he was forced to stay apart from everyone else, he'd gradually grow 'mentally unstable'. It had happened once before, on the ARK. Being treated like he was an object and a dumb animal had worn down his defences until he just wanted to die. _**  
When no one's there to save you**_

The only reason he was still alive was because of the security cameras on the ARK. They'd found him in time to save him from bleeding to death. He'd slit his wrists that time, and they'd managed to stop the bleeding and give him a transfusion in time to save his life. He wouldn't make that mistake again._**  
No you don't know what it's like  
**_They didn't understand how it was possible to feel so alone. They didn't understand why he was about to do this. He felt a sardonic smile touch the corners of his mouth as he raised the knife to his throat. No one would stop him from ending his torment this time._**  
To be hurt**_

Just before the knife touched his fur, something crashed into him from behind, knocking him off his feet again. He rolled instinctively, but the other something rolled with him, and he wound up pinned to the ground, looking up at his attacker._**  
To feel lost**_

Green eyes filled with emotion looked into his lifeless crimson eyes. Worry, relief, a touch of anger, and something else flickered in those eyes. Compassion._**  
To be left out in the dark**_

"What the hell were you doing?" The voice that he heard was filled with mixed emotions, too, but compassion stood out from the others. _**  
To be kicked when you're down**_

"What do you care?" he asked bitterly. The blue hedgehog pinning him down looked taken aback for once. _**  
To feel like you've been pushed around**_

"You're my friend, Shadow. I'm not gonna let you throw your life away!" His eyes widened. His...friend? The thought hurt, like a healing wound._**  
To be on the edge of breaking down**_

"But-" he started to protest, but the other hedgehog cut him off. "Yes, we were talking about you, Shadow, but not like that! You've been acting strange, and we were getting worried about your mental state! That's why we lied, we didn't want to alert you to our suspicions if they proved to be wrong! Looks like they were completely and totally correct, judging by the suicide attempt." He felt the walls he'd so carefully erected around himself crumble around him, leaving the real him exposed for the first time since Maria had died._**  
When no one's there to save you**_

He burst into another storm of tears, but they didn't hurt this time. This time, they were a healing rain, washing away the last of his mental instability. No one was there to save him this time. He'd have to save himself if he wanted to live. The blue hedgehog reached for him, pulling him into a comforting hug. "It'd be stupid and pointless to tell you that it's alright now, but I can honestly tell you that it'll be okay soon."_**  
No you don't know what it's like  
**_With those words, the last of the wounds on his heart healed without a scar. No, they didn't know what it was like to be him. But they were willing to try. _**  
Welcome to my life  
**_As the last tear fell, he raised his head and looked into Sonic's face with renewed hope. The smile he wore was contagious, and he felt the corners of his mouth tugging up into a real smile. For the first time in a while, he had no thoughts of ending his life._**  
Welcome to my life  
**_"Let's go home before Amy and Rouge find us. They might misunderstand." Those green eyes widened for a moment at the implied joke, then filled with humour again. "If they find us and misunderstand, it was all your fault._**  
Welcome to my life**_

They left the clearing together, hand in hand. The knife lay on the forest floor, forgotten.


End file.
